No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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