i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
