I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize