Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
