Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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