I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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