I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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