Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
