the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think my vagina is haunted
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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