Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
