I hate all girls vehemently.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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