I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
