bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
