Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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