She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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