i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
