just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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