her vagine was all disorganized.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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