oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
