Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
