My first STD was from a foam party
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
