So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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