my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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