I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
