I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
