this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
