Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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