You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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