I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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