I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Drake has all the answers
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
