the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
