I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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