she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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