Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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