This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
