the day after is always just damage control
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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