I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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