I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
