You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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