I got chris browned last night
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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