did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
