I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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