just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
