is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
