Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
