He disabled his match.com account in front of me
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
