Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize