"it" just moved
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
