Life is so much better after having sex.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
