You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
