Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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