this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize