Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
