i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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