There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
