Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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