I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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