Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
