So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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