i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
