Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize