Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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