His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I supernannyed him into submission
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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