apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
