"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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