Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
