the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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