how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
