So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
