Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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