come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
