we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
