so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
