Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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