They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
