she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
